I thought I loved you. And because of that, I trusted you. I trusted that you loved me, that you'd never hurt me, that you'd pay attention when I said no - when I just wanted to sleep on the couch.
Yeah, I was dressed sexy - I like to look sexy, it feels nice. Especially since I've been so sick - something that doesn't usually lend itself to sexy. And I was still sick - and you knew that! You were holding back my hair while I leaned over a toilet, for God's sake! No, you came over with one thing in mind.
I just wanted to lay on the couch with you and watch the movie. I wouldn't even kiss you at first. I'd told you from the first that if your hand ventured beneath my skirt, I was gonna slap it. That was one of the first things you did, as if I'd dared rather than forbidden.
You took the tie of my halter top between your teeth, and I told you 'no', and you pulled anyways. I retied it quickly.
You kept working at me, though. You pinned me down and undid my bra, pulled down my top and bit my breast. Yes, I was kissing you - I knew what you wanted. Maybe if I gave a little, you'd be satisfied.
Then I put my bra back on. All I wanted was still to lay there with you.
You reached toward my lap, I told you 'no.' You pinned me down again, undid my bra the same way. Then you scooted down. ("So resistant to pleasure.")
I froze. When you tried to take my underwear off, I closed my legs, said 'no' again, but you didn't stop even then.
You got your way, though. You went down on me and I orgasmed. After, you handed me my underwear and bra, and I got myself decent again.
But I felt so violated. I was like a toy to you - something you wanted to play with, and thus did so, regardless of my wishes.
I left a part out. Before you got my underwear off, you asked for a condom. I said 'no.' But what if you'd had a condom? What would you have done?
I left another part out. You kept asking if we could move to somewhere more private. You kept asking, and asking, and I kept saying 'no'. You asked why. I told you I just wanted to watch the movie.
And afterwards, when I curled up tight and gazed emptily around, then you noticed. ("That wasn't what you wanted, was it?")
You apologized, and apologized, and I let you hold me 'cause I needed any sort of comfort that I could get.
And now that you've left, this whole thing is all about you. You love me so much, you would never hurt me... You feel so bad I'm ignoring you, please don't ignore you, just listen to what you have to say... You're not gonna just give up. I do feel differently about you, don't I? Oh, no....
Guess what? Right now, I don't care about you. I have just been violated by someone I thought I loved and I am now very confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to. I asked you to leave me alone, and you didn't, and you didn't listen, and you didn't notice.
How could you think I wanted that? How could you? How could you?!
I trusted you with my body, and you abused that trust. And what if you had had that condom? What if?
And you've made me feel this way before - I just never wanted to admit it. You always try to do things when I'm not in the mood. You always try to do more than what I want.
I shouldn't have trusted you. I can't trust you.
How could you?
