And it all just collapses down to little moments, little glimpses, when you look and you KNOW. When you know his arms are open, but it's over and he isn't right for you and dammit, you never loved her and were barely even curious. And the contrast through the camera makes you giggle just a little as the music plays and you dream of a not-so-faceless lover at your back platonically. (There's something just a little scary about the irony of all these wounds "healing" so close together.)
Why did you ever bother with all these wastes of time? You always knew each and every one for what they were, but would delude yourself quite happily and while away for countless hours. (An eighteen month fling.)
I've tried my best, given things shots - how frustrating when I haven't so much as passed out. My kaleidoscope greetings are rushing about in my head, and I'm getting tired of being asked about the same damn things. But I guess that's part of living. So I'll deal with it, since I am very much a fan of my heartbeat's pitter-patter.
And after awhile, even gold will lose its shine if it's not looked after with shininess in mind. Happiness is a conscious decision, and it takes maintenance. And no, it's not always easy. Hell, it's downright difficult drudgery, but it can always be done and the gold can always be shiny.
I like the smell of leaves in summer, and the sound of water in a creek. I love whitewater most of all. Raw power - to break and to propel into flight. You'd just better hope you're in the boat as it crests the waves on the rocks you guide around.
Social situations are a lot like white water. To the untrained eye, the current moves too quickly for anything to be seen, but to the river guide, every rock is laid bare beforehand. Each bit can be used to make the ride as wild or as tame as the rider wants. What am I up for? How is my white water today?
I think a declaration of love is a class three rapid. It could give someone inexperienced a broken nose, but anyone worth their salt will weather it nicely. A rock here. Another there. A third at a sixty degree angle. Easy enough to see coming. I wouldn't want to play in that hole, personally. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, like chocolate swallowed only a few minutes past. Unrequited. The only recourse the dreaded LJBF speech that we all love and hate so much with its damning and saving qualities.
Honesty. I'll never go so far as to swear off lying (I recognize the value in it) but I detest liars. (How is that for a wee grain of hypocrisy?) As such, I've grown accustomed to an odd, bold form of speech. (I actually say what I mean!) I rather like it.
And now I'm drifting farther back into the land of headachy powerlessness. It's twelve weeks today, did you know? (Well, duh. Otherwise I wouldn't be telling/asking you.) These past few weeks have been so difficult; I can barely think. And my thoughts are so scattered when present, and useless! (Exhibit A.)
I only want all this to end, and my life to go back to normal.
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