"What happened?" Sarah called from the hotel bathroom, the clatter of makeup products being unpacked abruptly ceasing.
"My books!" I replied, fighting back the burbling edge of panic that was gathering forces for an attack on my throat. "My books are missing! Someone stole my books!" I wailed, collapsing on my knees before my suitcase, open on the far bed.
It was admittedly a rather melodramatic reaction.
"Oh, chill, 'Dia," my best friend responded, poking her head into the room. "No one stole your books, okay?"
"But they're gone," I insisted. I rocked back and forth, hands shaking in front of me. I wasn't quite sure what to do with them. Normally, in such a state, I'd occupy them with holding a book, but that was, in this case, obviously not an option.
Sarah stared at me, unmoved by my hysterics.
"Yeah, uh-huh," she said, voice wry and flat. "Someone broke into your suitcase, which was locked underneath the bus, in order to steal your copy of Pride and Prejudice."
"Exactly!"
She shook her head slowly, her shoulder length red hair swishing with the motion.
"Kennedia, I know summing up situations in pithy little sayings is your deal, but you read too much and it has addled your brain."
"Has not-"
She continued over the beginnings of my protest.
"First off, all the other people on this trip are male. Even if they could get under the locked bus, dig your suitcase out from the bottom of the pile, open it, remove your books, then return your suitcase to its former position, unnoticed, all while the bus was constantly in motion, what are the chances they'd leave your corsets untouched? Not a single one of them wants your books. They don't even want to read them. Their principle occupation in literature is praying that they are never tested on a novel from the Victorian period, especially not a novel from the Victorian period written by a woman."
I paused, the stream of indignation and drama temporarily halted. She had a point.
Seeing that she was getting through to me, Sarah moved into the room and perched on the other bed.
"Furthermore," she went on, "this is supposed to be a social event. It's a conference, not a weekend of sitting in the corner with your nose in a book in between debates."
I grimaced, leaning back on my heels. The carpet ground beneath my toes, abrasive and cheap. I knew where she was going with this.
"So, really, it's a good thing that you don't have your books, which you merely left at home. Consider this an opportunity for learning and growth. No book means that you might actually have to talk to people."
Her lipsticked smirk seemed much too satisfied from my vantage point.
The vanguard of panic that I'd been holding off took advantage of that moment to rush into my throat, sealing off the passage. I could not breathe, let alone speak.
I rolled off my knees onto my side, using the slight force of the impact to jar my lungs into a squeaky exhalation.
Sarah's facial expression did not become any less smug.
My voice, when it came, was small and high, perhaps even a bit whiny.
"But I don't like talking to people."
People didn't like talking to me.
My best friend finally moved from her position on the bed, proffering a hand to help me off the floor.
"There, there, 'Dia," she said, hauling me to my feet. "You're good at talking when you forget to be self-conscious. You're a great debater, and I might go so far as to say that you should try your hand at drama club." Her tone took a dry twist as she patted me on the shoulder. "Besides, if you talk to them, people aren't going to eat you."
~*~
As I looked around the ballroom, my arms were crossed tightly across my stomach, the soft material of the dress I was wearing an unfamiliar sensation on my skin. Sarah had insisted that I looked great in it, and had refused to let me wear anything else.
My fingers clenched and unclenched against my sides.
There were so many people here.
They wandered in and out of each other, laughing, stopping to talk to one another, shaking hands and exchanging greetings. They gestured to name tags, hanging from lanyards that were ludicrously incongruous with the nice clothes everyone wore, and smiled as they tilted heads close to catch the thread of the other's voice in the midst of the din. Signs paraded over the top of the crowd, emblazoned with slogans like "Shan's the Man with a Plan!" and "Let Anderson be Your Voice in the House!"
"Gather around!"
Our advisor's voice brought my attention back to the corner I occupied and the other students I shared it with.
"Okay," Mr. Dove said, brandishing a batch of lanyards in his fist. "I have your ID tags here. Remember that tonight is about mingling, and meet right here in this corner after the opening ceremony has concluded."
Brendan, standing just ahead of me in the crowd, nudged Jonathan with his elbow, snickering slightly.
"Oh, yeah, we'll mingle," he leered in an undertone.
Jonathan laughed, and pounded his fist against his friend's.
"Get it," he intoned.
Ugh. I didn't even bother to repress my look of disgust. This was our country's future.
I shuffled forward and collected my badge and Sarah's, slipping my lanyard over my head with a sigh, quickly moving from the group corner toward a bench on the nearby wall. This wouldn't be so bad. I could watch from the edges, observe the conference-goers and note their mating habits.
Sarah bounded out of the the throng, her cheeks glowing, looking simultaneously bubbly and elegant in her short royal-blue dress.
"Thanks, doll," she said, plucking her name tag from my fingers and casually looping it into a choker around her neck. "You know how much I hate waiting on all that administrational stuff. It's a stupid rule, that we have to have an ID before we can go talk to people."
"It's no problem," I muttered. I didn't mind waiting. I didn't see why we had to go talk to people at all; we'd see them in Committee the next day, anyways. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
My friend was not to be deterred so easily.
"Not so fast, 'Dia." One hand wrapped around my forearm. "I want to introduce you to a few people."
My throat began to close off.
"Already?" I squeaked. "But we just got here-"
"And that means that I just met a few really awesome people," she interrupted, pulling me away from my safe bench, into the press of bodies and hormones. "You'll like them."
I highly doubted that.
"Hey, Nathan. This is my friend, 'Dia."
I gulped, finding myself face to tie with a tall, lanky boy with shaggy brown hair and a goofy smile.
"Hello, 'Dia," he said, holding out his hand for a shake.
Oh, screw monkeys.
Tentatively, I took his hand, feeling his warmth engulf my palm, and shook. As soon as his grip began to loosen, I tugged my hand back, returning that arm to its former position around my midriff.
"'Dia goes to school with me," Sarah was saying, her crystal-blue eyes sparkling as she recaptured Nathan's attention. "She's going to be on the Education Committee."
"Really?" he asked, tilting his head to the side, gaze sliding between us two. "I'm going to be on the Education Committee, too. How about you, Sarah?"
I started to hunch into myself. Proceed with enacting the same old familiar scenario....
Sarah was a woman with immaculate grooming and an effervescent personality that could not be contained within her 5'3" frame. I was tall, too skinny, generally reticent with awkwardly large shoulders and a tangled, unkempt mane of blonde hair, wearing makeup only because someone else had applied it.
Do the math. That makes me the bookish not-so-hot friend - the one that guys get their wingmen to entertain while they focus all their efforts on getting the hot girl's phone number.
"So, what's 'Dia short for?"
"What?" I startled.
Patiently, Nathan repeated himself.
Just out of his view, Sarah flashed me a thumbs up.
"Oh, uh.... It's short for Kennedia. My full name is Kennedia Zapping."
I braced myself for his reaction. Something along the familiar lines of 'Kenny!' or 'Zapping, like the shock your face delivers!'
Nathan smiled and nodded. "That's a pretty name. Kennedia, like the flower, right?"
I blinked.
"Yeah, like the flower."
He grinned, shifting to face me completely.
"Did you know that, according to Victorian flower language, Kennedia denotes intellectual beauty?"
I began to smile. My shoulders eased down. This talking thing wasn't so bad. It was really no different from talking to Sarah.
"No, I didn't, actually. But that's pretty apt."
"Yeah?" I got caught in his honey-colored eyes as he spoke. "How so?"
I failed to notice as Sarah slipped away into the crowd.
~*~
"No way!" I laughed, relaxing onto one hip. "Y'all are so full of embalming fluid! That did not happen!"
"No, it totally did!" Nathan insisted, nodding enthusiastically. "You can trust us!"
"Yeah, we're good guys!" Nathan's friend, Sam, interjected, briefly resting his hand on my shoulder. His palm was warm and slightly rough with calluses.
"No," I said again, shaking my head. "You may be nice guys, but you're also aspiring politicians. You're completely twisting the truth."
"You wound us!" Across the circle from me, Alex pressed his hands to the center of his chest, folding his shoulders in to exaggerate the motion. "After we broke bread together, too!"
"Crappy bread," I retorted. "Frozen bread briefly stuck in an oven, removed before it could finish thawing, let alone bake." I smirked, putting one hand on my cocked hip, matching Alex's melodramatic posturing. "You may yet lie to me, monsieurs."
Cries of protest and offense arose from all three boys, and I reveled in them. I'd never thought that I could carry on a civil conversation with one male, let alone a fun conversation with three. Yet, now it felt wholly natural. All night, there hadn't been a single 'Kenny' joke, nor a 'book slut' reference; I hadn't even been called 'Sarah's friend.' Each of these guys was interesting, genial, and intelligent - Nathan had made multiple allusions to Jane Eyre, and one to Tess of the D'Urbervilles. My fingers hadn't twitched for a book since before the opening banquet, which was now more than twenty minutes past.
An arm slid around my shoulder, the stiff edges of a cuff on a rolled up sleeve scraping the back of my neck.
"Hey, Nathan, man! Alex, Sam. It's good to see you guys here again."
My fingers clenched shut, my abs compressed into my gut as though attempting to flee the situation, and panic, which had apparently been laying in wait throughout the entire pleasant evening, ambushed my larynx.
Who had his arm around me so familiarly? More importantly, who had his arm around me so familiarly and had a voice remarkably similar to Brendan Vervain's?
"Hey, man!" Nathan exclaimed, reaching around me to clap the mystery-man on the back. I felt the impact resonate through to my own body. "Great to see you!"
Sam and Alex nodded cordially over my head, their arms closing across their bodies just enough to be noticeable.
I couldn't make myself move to see who he was. I couldn't shrug his arm off. I'd been laughing and talking all night, so why couldn't I at least speak, for Jane's sake?
Nathan moved back into my line of vision, making a futile attempt at adjusting his too-loose tie.
"What committee this year, man?"
"Health and Human Services, but I'll be in Chambers," came the reply.
Alex's gaze darted from me to the mystery guy and back, the smile steadily fading from his face.
Sam shifted farther away from me, opening the circle a bit as he angled more towards Alex.
"Damn." Nathan shook his head and shrugged. "Education." He paused for a moment and, like his friend, glanced down to me and then back up, beyond my shoulder. "I take it that you don't need to be introduced to 'Dia."
"KENNY?"
The arm practically jumped away from me and Brendan Vervain was suddenly standing just out of the gap in the circle, facing me in all his fashionably disheveled business-casual glory, leaning back towards Sam and Alex.
Screw monkeys and belladonna tea at the Queen's high table.
I was going to puke. Or suffocate. Or spontaneously combust with embarrassment - my cheeks certainly felt hot enough to pull that last one off.
The three decent guys in my company shared an odd look, all arched eyebrows and uncomfortable shifts from foot to foot.
"So, that's a 'no,'" Alex commented wryly.
Brendan's upper lip jerked spasmodically as he stared at me, his jaw hanging open and inviting in flies. Well, the gossip was that his lips were honeyed, even if all I'd ever gotten from him was vinegar.
"Definitely a 'no,'" Sam confirmed.
"Hey, 'Dia!" Sarah skipped up beside me, putting herself between me and His Royal Jack-Ass-ery.
My throat eased open with an audible whoosh as the breath that had gotten cut off at the pass escaped. Panic: routed yet again by my Personal Knight in Shining Eyeshadow.
"Oh, hey, guys, Brendan," she acknowledged everyone as though she hadn't been perfectly aware of who I was with for every second of the evening. "Good. Mr. Dove wanted me to find you and let you two know that we're all leaving in five minutes." She gestured with an open palm to Brendan and me. "Make lively!"
She blew a kiss over her shoulder as she flitted away again.
I smiled weakly at the boys who had made my evening tolerable.
"See you guys tomorrow."
I got out of there as fast as I could in stilettos.
~*~
The conference room was cold, especially for November. I shifted uncomfortably in the wide chair, kicking my heels off so I could tuck my feet beneath my thighs. My pencil skirt tugged tight across my lap, but I could just imagine my toes turning blue inside my sheer tights if I left them exposed beneath the table.
Wood scraped against tile as someone pulled out the chair next to mine.
I stiffened, pretending to be fascinated by the way my pen cast shadows on my legal pad.
"Hey, 'Dia."
Nathan. I relaxed marginally, turning my head a micro-inch.
His legs were long in his pressed khaki pants, the hems pulled back slightly in his reclined position to reveal that he was wearing dark green socks with his nice leather loafers.
"Hi," I murmured.
Fingers tapped against the table top, gentle thumping sounds drumming up courage.
"So..." he started, "what was up with you and Brendan last night? Did y'all used to date or something?"
My head snapped up.
"No!"
He chuckled, a lopsided smile growing on his lips.
"Well, that was emphatic."
I blushed a little, but kept my composure.
"I'd sooner kiss a frog," I declared.
Nathan loosened up further, if that was possible, propping one elbow on the back of his chair so that he was facing me more.
"What, you don't think he'd turn into Prince Charming?" he teased. "You've certainly got the makings of a princess." His eyes scanned down my body before returning to my face.
In what I'm sure was my most attractive facial expression ever, I was reflexively sticking out my tongue.
Nathan collapsed into laughter, his head dropping back as his shoulders shook.
I wondered if I should be offended.
"Please," he gasped, dissolving back into chuckles for a moment, "please tell me that look was in response to the idea of Brendan as Prince Charming and not in response to the obvious observation that you are a beautiful woman."
I'd blushed more this weekend than I'd blushed in the past year. This was what my books were meant to protect me from.
"The former, of course," I covered. "His Royal Jack-Ass-ery has herpes, a set of warts that I'm sure doesn't change from frog to prince."
Nathan patted me on the shoulder and winked.
"That's just a different set of warts. As far as I know, frogs don't have herpes. However, interestingly enough, vervain is the flower of enchantment, or fairy tales. Maybe imagining Brendan as a prince isn't such a stretch."
"Wow, you really are into the whole flower language bit."
He stretched exaggeratedly, lacing his fingers behind his head.
"It's a gift."
A gavel banged out three times, and the babble of voices that I hadn't noticed growing faded into silence.
"Having been called into session at yesterday's opening ceremony, we will now commence debate," the chairwoman declared from her desk at the front of the room, her purple robes reflecting the fluorescent lights. She glanced briefly at the notes arrayed in front of her. "First on the docket, EDUC S27."
The gavel sounded once more, evoking a starting pistol or a crier's bugle.
~*~
Nathan and I all but tumbled out of the double doors into the chill sunlight, knocking into each other as we laughed, my high heels clattering on the concrete.
"No," I gasped out in between the giggles that just kept coming, despite my burning desire to produce coherent words. "The best part was when you asked that question about the funding, and he couldn't figure out why he might need funding!"
"If the speaker says it, it must be true!" Nathan hooked his arm around the back of my neck as we both doubled over again, renewed in our hilarity.
"What in the known world is so funny?" Sarah asked as she approached us from across the lawn, her bouncy stride somewhat hindered by the way her heels sunk into the grass, until she met us on the sidewalk.
"Oh," I sighed, attempting to straighten up again, my abs already somewhat sore. "It's just...."
Nathan guffawed again, and then it was another minute or so before we could attempt to speak. I leaned into him to support my weight.
Sarah waited patiently, one eyebrow raised.
"It was a great day in Committee," Nathan finally explained, nodding along with his words. "Kennedia just shredded some painfully unrealistic legislation."
I patted his chest, his loosened tie silky and cool under my palm.
"I shredded legislation? You absolutely demolished some poor souls in debate." I angled my chin toward Sarah, smiling proudly. "I don't think some of them will ever recover."
Sarah smirked a little as she relaxed into one hip, her hands slouching into her coat pockets.
"Sounds like some day y'all had. Quite a bonding experience." She shook her head slowly, mock-regretfully. "It seems a shame to have to break y'all up."
"Noo!" Nathan protested, wrapping his arms around me in an exaggerated bear hug. "'Dia and I are a team."
I grinned into his suit jacket.
Abruptly, he released me, holding me at arm's length. His eyes were a playful amber as they met mine.
"You have to have dinner with us, 'Dia! You must. It won't be the same without you."
I felt Sarah's cool hand on my shoulder through my own jacket as she gently tugged me away from my new friend.
"No, it won't be the same," she cooed. "But 'Dia's presence is required elsewhere tonight."
"Awww.... You could come, too," Nathan offered, pouting for effect. "I promise it will be fun."
"Yeah, it would be fun," I chimed in. "Let's have dinner with them! Alex and Sam are nice, too!"
Sarah sustained an amused glance in my direction.
What was I forgetting?
"Oh, right!" I bonked myself lightly on the forehead. "That stupid group dinner thing." I shrugged apologetically at Nathan. "Our conference delegation is supposed to go out to eat at Aurora's tonight," I clarified. "I'd much rather eat with you, but you know how advisors can et."
Nathan tucked his hands into his pants pockets, doing his own little shoulder shrug.
"Yeah, I get it." His eyes strayed to the concrete for a moment before returning to mine, his gorgeous goofy smile back in place. "Just come find me at the social afterwards, okay?"
"Of course she will," Sarah interrupted before I could reply. "Bye, Nathan!"
"See you later," I called back to him as she pulled me across the lawn toward our group.
It took all of about six seconds for my best friend to get smug.
"Well, I did say that if you talked to people, they wouldn't eat you, but I had no idea that you would turn out to be such a natural."
"Sarah!" I hissed, swatting at her arm. "Please. He lives, like, far away."
Sarah arched an incredulous eyebrow at me.
Subtext: And your point is...?
"It would be... unworkable. Not to mention the height of impropriety."
She rolled her eyes.
"Scaredy-cat."
Our shoes rang loud on the flagstones encircling the statue that was our delegation's meeting point.
"Kenny's a cat?" Brendan piped in fro where he was lounging on the pedestal, doing his best to look suave and rakish. "Here I thought she was just a bitch."
"Oooh!" Jonathan added in from next to him, placing the blade of his hand to his upper lip. "Burn!"
I waited for the familiar army of panic to swarm my throat, but it didn't happen. I didn't stop breathing, my hands didn't clench for a book, and my cheeks didn't become clown-red with mortification. Instead:
"Funny, Vervain," I snapped. "You know, I really didn't think it mattered to you, bitch or pussy. Here I thought you just chased after anything in heat."
Jonathan's hand and jaw dropped simultaneously.
Brendan blinked at me, and one of his hands found its way to the nape of his neck, trying to grab hold of hair too stiff with gel to be budged.
I slammed my hands down on my hips, squaring myself to him, daring him.
The hand, foiled in the nervous gesture, dropped to his thigh.
I jerked my chin up and stared him down.
Brendan bit the inside of his lip and nodded slowly.
"Good one, Zapping," he acknowledged, turning away to talk softly to Jonathan.
I swiveled on the spot to consult with Sarah. Her eyes were wide, but she was beginning to smile.
I clapped my hands over my mouth.
"Wow," she drew out. "Holy. Sweet. Salty. Balls, girl!"
"Did that just happen?" I whispered.
"New possibility," Sarah said, by way of answer, "People aren't going to eat you. You're going to eat them."
"Holy screw monkeys," I breathed, in awe of myself. "I just took His Royal Jack-Ass-ery down a peg."
Sarah grinned wickedly and patted me on the back.
"That's the Kennedia that I know."
~*~
So it was that when Brendan took the seat next to me at dinner, I was able to push down my concern that the evening would be a disaster. The candlelight washed around us, making the dark wooden table gleam with golden threads. Across the table, Sarah's bare shoulder flashed pale as she slid her coat off onto the back of her chair, and Jonathan's dark coiffure seemed to float like a black hole above his ivory button-down as he quickly engaged her in conversation.
I felt invincible. For once, I'd let Sarah do my hair, and the wild curls had been subdued into a loose chignon, leaving my shoulders and neck as bare and elegant as my best friend's. I'd planned to wear a silk blouse under the decorative corset I'd donned, but with only minimal urging, I'd daringly gone without. The sweetheart line of the top-ribbing pressed lightly into my sternum. Was this sort of wild power what Sarah felt every day? It was absolutely intoxicating.
I smirked at Brendan, hiding behind his menu. He'd showered before dinner, and his tidy blond hair fell free around his ears. The brocade vest he'd worn in lieu of a tie let his collar slide open, revealing the shadow where his collarbones met his throat.
He looked good, I admitted to myself.
I looked better.
He happened to glance up at that moment, and his eyes met mine.
I kept my gaze steady, really looking at his face for the first time. His eyes were the same blue as Sarah's, and his eyelashes were not so long as I had expected. Guys that girls describe as charming always seem to have long eyelashes, but his were just... normal. His jaw wasn't chiseled, and his cheekbones were about average for an adolescent male, having the marks of good structure, but still hidden behind that last stubborn layer of baby fat. What was all the fuss about?
He happened to glance up at that moment, and his eyes met mine.
Brendan looked away first.
"Geez, Kenny, ogle much?" he muttered.
"Not really," I replied, keeping my voice breezy. "First time I've ever really looked at you. You're not as big a deal as you're made out to be."
His eyes jerked back up to stare at me.
I shrugged one shoulder, not really feeling apologetic.
"All the girls go on like you're the gift to women that you seem to think you are, but really, you're just a boy, and an ass-hat of one at that."
He let his menu drop to the tabletop in front of him, adjusting his position in his chair so that he was facing me more squarely. His brows were bunched together, his jaw jutting forward slightly.
I reached between us for my water glass, and coolly took a sip, keeping my gaze locked with his.
He rocked his jaw back and forth, his lips going white with pressure.
I set down the cup, arching one eyebrow at him.
How had this boy scared me for so many years? What had he done? Called me 'Kenny?' Laughed at me in the hallways? Knocked books out of my hands? Said I was a freak, a geek, a bitch, a hag? Well, big deal. Nathan had been right when he said it - I was a princess, an intellectual beauty. I always had been, at least behind closed doors. Now that I was willing to show it, this brat had nothing on me.
Amazingly, he resolved his facial expression into a thin smile that did not quite reach his eyes.
"Zapping, I don't know what you're on about. I can be charming. I just never chose to bother with the likes of you."
I snorted.
"You were always too scared to try, more like. I'm not an easy mark, and I suppose shooting fish in barrels is good for the ego."
Something flashed in his eyes, and he shifted again. I nearly jumped as his knee touched mine.
"Wrong, Zapping," he said, strained smile still in place, if taking on a slightly evil dimension. "I don't bother with you. Who wants to waste their time on an awkward girl who cares more about books than people? It's impossible to get a word in edgewise around the constant dialogue between you and the page."
I propped an elbow on the tabletop and let a finger rest against my lips. The lipstick I'd put on earlier was waxy and warm against my fingertip.
"True enough," I conceded. "But consider why it is that engaging with a book has so much more appeal than engaging in a conversation with you."
He set his elbow on the edge of the table and tapped his index finger against his chin.
"You're a minority in that opinion," he observed, now not even trying to smile. His calf pressed against mine.
"I'm also a minority in that I have taste," I rejoined. "Democracy does have 'crass' in it."
His eyebrows flashed up in a moment of amused surprise before settling back into a neutral set.
"Crassness can be a lot of fun, Zapping. Especially when you're perfectly aware that it's a choice." Brendan's hand briefly slid up the bridge of is nose before falling back casually along the edge of the table, revealing a smile, this one small but genuine. "It's looking like you're beginning to understand that."
I held my ground as I felt his foot cross over mine, the rough leather of the shoe sole scraping gently over my arch, effectively entwining our legs.
"To the contrary, Vervain." I leaned forward slightly, exhibiting more cleavage, immediately drawing his gaze down. "I'm beginning to understand that I don't have to be crass to have conversations."
When his eyes finally returned to mine, our faces were only inches apart. I could feel his breath feather against my cheek as his gaze dipped to my lips. I felt a thrill of power catch the breath in my throat, an exhilarating edge that spurred me on rather than stopped me short.
"Not even," I finished, "conversations with you, Your Royal Jack-Ass-ery."
I sat back in my seat, squared myself to the table and picked up my me, ignoring both my shortened breath and the way Sarah was looking askance at me over the candles as she disregarded Jonathan's vain attempts to hold her attention.
I pressed my leg lightly against Brendan's, and then calmly disentangled myself.
I was an intelligent, beautiful princess. I would not kiss frogs and hope to get a prince from the bargain. there were too many other people in the world for that, too many things just waiting to be bitten into and tasted.
I pictured Nathan's face, his warm laughing eyes, his long nose, his unkempt mop of hair, his loose-limbed frame.
I deserved to kiss the best there was to be had outside of books.
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