'Dude'

What necessitates saying 'dude' so many times in one sentence? And 'Oh my God' followed by 'like' and another 'dude'? 'Dude', you sound like a 'chick'. The empty laughter in all its boneheaded glory doesn't help your case, either. If this is your idea of how a man talks on his cell phone, then I'd like to know what website you plagiarize your ideas off of. Find a different endearment to use. After saying 'dude' fifty-seven times in a three minute conversation, you'd think you'd be tired of it. I certainly am.

This is positively ridiculous. You dress like a little kid and behave like an adult that never developed the thinking part of his brain. Drugs? Sex? Booze? Get real, 'dude'. You like to think that these things show how mature and grown up you are, but they really just show you naked in all your stupid glory. You're losing precious brain cells when you started out with so few. At least pull your dorky brown cords up so that they cover your equally dorky paisley boxers.

I have nothing but disdain for you. I could accept you, but I really just can't bring myself to do it. It might be a different matter if you'd shut the bedroom door while you're making out with your girlfriend in her parents' house. Where her entire family is staying, including her younger cousin, her older cousins, and her grandparents. Come on, 'dude'. If you're going to be a brainless bozo, at least PRETEND to be smart about it. To start, drop 'dude' from your vocabulary and close that freaking door.